Hayley

//**my friends are at my school. I have lots of different friends all shapes and sizes. **Betty Botter** **//
Betty Botter bought some butter. "But," she said, "the butter's bitter. If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter-- that would make my batter better." So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter. And she put it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter!

**What would you call a top-notch detective?** ** A super snooper ** **What would you call fishing gear used to catch chickens?** ** Cackle tackle ** **What would you call a murder detective?** ** A stabber nabber ** **What would you call a computer nerd from Athens?** ** A Greek Geek ** **What would you call a spirit that's been mooned?** ** A grossed ghost ** **What would you call a coop where ducks are kept?** ** A quack shack ** **What would you call a snack thief?** ** A Frito bandito ** **What would you call a wealthy tattletale?** ** A rich snitch ** **What would you call the lid on a popcorn maker?** ** A popper stopper ** **What would you call a talkative taxi driver?**  **A gabby cabby**

Mary had a little dog. Its fur was black as night. And everyone that Mary met The dog was sure to bite. It followed her to school one day, Which was against the rule. The dog bit Mary’s teacher’s leg, So they threw her out of school.

Only raise your hand when you want to sharpen your pencil or go to the bathroom. Repeat every ten minutes. Never raise your hand when you want to answer a question; instead, yell, "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!" and then, when the teacher calls on you, say, "I forgot what I was going to say." Lean your chair back, take off your shoes, and put your feet up on your desk. Act surprised when the teacher puts all four legs of your chair back on the floor. Drop the eraser end of your pencil on your desk. See how high it will bounce. Drop your books on the floor. See how loud a noise you can make. Hum. Get all your friends to join in. Hold your nose, make a face, and say, "P.U.!" Fan the air away from your face, and point to the kid in front of you. On the last day of school, lead your classmates in chanting: "No more pencils! No more books! No more teachers’ dirty looks!" Then, on your way out the door, tell the teacher, "Bet you’re looking forward to summer vacation this year. But I’ll sure miss you. You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had." ||
 * [[image:http://www.gigglepoetry.com/poem_illustrations/83.jpg]] ||  ||
 * || ** How to Torture Your Teacher ** ||  ||
 * || ** by Bruce Lansky ** ||  ||

Spot ate my homework; he thought it was chicken. Aliens landed and gave me a lickin’. Can’t raise my hand; I got poked in the ribs. These are a few of my favorite fibs. Can’t wear a backpack; it’s bad for my shoulders. Can’t find my notebooks and can’t find my folders. Can’t write in pen; I’m allergic to ink. Can’t change for gym ’cause the uniforms stink. Chorus When I’m flunking, when I’m tardy, when the due date’s passed, I simply remember my favorite fibs, and then I am free—at last! I wasn’t running, just super-fast walking. Got laryngitis; can’t do any talking. Last weekend’s party was wrecked by my twin. Can’t eat school lunch ’cause I want to stay thin. Book-eating creatures broke into my locker. Twisted my ankle; good riddance to soccer. Don’t have a note ’cause my doctor was sick. Sometimes I find an excuse that will stick. Chorus

I’m pretty sure my parents are pretending they are sick. I know because I taught them both to do that little trick. You blow your nose and hold your head and claim your brain is breaking. And so, a pro like me would know my folks are clearly faking. A little thing I learned in school convinced me I am right. My parents are supposed to meet my principal tonight.